Satisfactorily Minimum

By cormander

“If minimum wasn’t good enough, then they wouldn’t call it satisfactory.”

This is either from the mouth of someone with too much to do, or that of someone who is really, really lazy.

Only day two and, wow.

By cormander

Yesterday was my first day on the “Tools & Automation” team, where I proceeded to kill a big project. It was the whole “First day on the job and I’m already killing projects”. But now, on the second day, we find out that the team lead (manager) is leaving.

“Get the hell out of this team before something else happens!” said one of the other team members to me about this situation (jokingly, of course).

Gotta love coincidences.

Quote from my wife

By cormander

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Churches are full of good intentions. Ergo, church is the way to hell.”

I love her so much.

Paranoia quote from work

By cormander

“Your paranoia is affecting the systems, causing them to panic.”

Carrying lots of cell phones

By cormander

The on-call rotation at work happens on Fridays at around noon; the guy going off-call goes home, and the guy going on-call has a week of stress ahead. Part of being on-call is the on-call phone.

The guy going on-call this week has a lot of mobile devices. I mean a LOT! His personal cell phone, his personal blackberry, his work cell phone, and now, the on-call phone. A comment was made to him as it was handed to him:

“Just so you know, your chances of getting laid decrease by 33% for each cell phone you have on you.”

I jumped in on the comment and made one of my own:

“Also, your chances of getting interrupted while being laid go up by about 33% for each cell phone.”

Like I’ve said in the past; our on-call phone is worse then a newborn baby in terms of amount and frequency of noise. And if you ignore it, it only gets louder.

God has a blog!

By cormander

Hey Everyone,

As it turns out, God has a blog (http://god-has-a-blog.blogspot.com/). It even has his email address!

Since I enjoy stuff like this, I decided to send him an email…

Oh master of the divine,

What is thy wisdom on the blog full of fail? http://failblog.org/

Is it good, or evil?

Ya know, because I like failblog, and I wanted to show it to God. Maybe he had something to say… and he did! Here is what he said:

Dear Corey,

Wazzup, dude?

So I looked at this 'blog full of fail' of yours, and I have to say, you
present an interesting question.  On the one hand, the fail blog encourages
us to mock the simpleminded follies of others, which is evil.  Judge not,
lest you be judged.

But on the other hand, did you see that one with Darth Vader following the
procession of priests?  I laughed so hard I fell off my chair!  Which is
good.

Really, not a lot in this Universe I created can be categorized into
simply 'good' or 'evil'.  A lot of it is a grey area.  So if you visit the
fail blog and don't mock (*airquote* judge *airquote*) the people, just the
stupid things they do, than I think that's okay.  But if you visit the fail
blog to masturbate to the girl in the squishable.com ad, than that's evil.
Got it?

Thank you!  Pray again!

Love,

God

On Wed, Dec 10, 2008 at 7:04 PM, Corey Henderson wrote:

> Oh master of the divine,
>
> What is thy wisdom on the blog full of fail? http://failblog.org/
>
> Is it good, or evil?
>
>
>

I have got to say, this SO better then prayer.

Hope you don’t start to get too overwhelmed with emails.

Gambling on wal-street

By cormander

If you ask me, “working” the stock market is no different then rolling dice in a casino. Sure, there are real world strategies on when to buy/sell, but it all boils down to (and you can quote me on this):

“Gambling is legal in Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and New York City”

Truthfully I’m a little freaked out by the whole recent economic down-turn, but feel no guilt. I’m angry, actually, especially when you read about the market getting inflated with phantom stock via naked short selling (see http://www.deepcapture.com/)

Please, please outlaw that nonsense.

In regards to the failing bank industry:

Shame on the lenders. They got too greedy and tried to stretch the dollar far greater then it would ever go. I’ve never taken out a loan I couldn’t afford. I’ve been offered many, but turned them all down. But I’m not everyone, people fall for it and it finally bit them in the ass. Well, its biting the rest of us in the ass now too.

Shame on the people who took those loans. Now I know that some bankruptcy is legit, you might have lost your job, you might be a victim of our bad bad bad health care industry, but I’ve known far too many people who’s defaulted on credit cards and other types of loans who were simply living beyond their means.

But, since I have no control over what is happening in the world, I’ll just continue my normal routine. No sense in getting all riled up over something you can’t change. Just have to hope for the best.

Either the server is down, or…

By cormander

I get back to work after lunch today, sit down, and find that a coworker is in the middle of talking to someone from another department:

“He called me at 2am, panicked that he couldn’t get it up.”

My son is “The Repeater”

By cormander

Yesterday my daughter turned 4, so we let her decide what she wanted to eat for dinner. Like any little kid, she gets a big bright smile and says, “Pizza!”

Not having been to a “sit down” pizza place since we got to Utah over two years ago, I packed up the family in the Van and we went looking for one. My wife thought she remembered seeing one that is on the way to Wal-Mart so we headed in that direction. When we finally located it, I started to pull off the road into the parking lot. I made the turn a little too soon, and my wife says;

“That’s the sidewalk, stupid!”

Instantly, the boy (who recently turned 3) repeats it. My wife covers her eyes with shame while I’m laughing. He just loves repeating things, and seems to know when it’s something he shouldn’t say. I admit with some embarrassment that he’s repeated swear words, and they aren’t all words that my wife says.

But, nonetheless, I found it very funny.

Documenting your code

By cormander

This has probably already been said by someone else, but I thought of it the other day:

“Document it? What? It’s called ‘code’ for a reason.”